I have ‘messed up’ doesn’t seem to cover it. I am gutted. Totally and utterly gutted.
After months of recognising eating disordered thoughts and saying to myself “no thanks, that life is not for me” and “that is not an option- not even once” I’ve had a moment where I recognised that I was thinking in a disordered way and backed myself into a place where I thought “I don’t have a choice but to do that”.
I chose to take the Eating Disorder route BUT I didn’t choose to feel like that was all I could do.
It sounds like an over simplification but….
There is ALWAYS another option than the deceptive world of an Eating Disorder. If you don’t chose that option, it isn’t because recovery isn’t possible for you it’s because in that particular set of circumstances, you don’t know what your other choices are yet.
Keep searching for choices and don’t give up if you stop seeing them for a bit,